My Kid Made Me Say It

Sometimes we hear ourselves saying things to our children that we cannot believe. We think, what the hoover just came out of my mouth? But it’s not our fault. Our kids made us say it.

Here are just a few examples of things our kids have made us say:

“Get out of the dishwasher.”

“Sometimes mommies need to be far, far away and by themselves for a little while so they can be the best mommies they can be. So you stay here; I’m going to go bury my face in some blankets.”

“Put your penis back in your pants!”

“Are you eating hair off the ground? Stop eating hair!”

“No, fifty is less than seventy. Yes, I’m sure. We don’t have to argue about it … Okay fine. Fifty is more than seventy. Sure.”

“A piece of ham is not a HAT!”

“Don’t push your bums together in the bath!”

“Don’t suck on your sister! Or the cushion! Don’t suck on ANYTHING.”

“No, you don’t pee from your bum, and you don’t EVER barf blood from your face. Can we stop talking about this, please?”

“Are you licking juice off the driveway?”

“Stop dumping that on her head.”

“When you grow up you can’t marry your mommy and daddy, because we are already married. And … that is the only reason.”

“Please don’t hug that diaper.”


 Did this list make you laugh out loud? Yes? Well, here are some more! Also, if you’ve got your own hilarious “My Kid Made Me Say It,” share it in the comments!

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13 thoughts on “My Kid Made Me Say It

  1. Jenny

    Nope, I don’t know how to wash slug slime off the bottom of your feet either. I’m sure it will wear off eventually, right?

    1. Jac Post author

      Well did it? You can prevent the rest of us from ever needing to say the same thing! Instead we can say, with confidence, “That will never wear off. Unless we bleach your feet.” Or whatever else you advise.

    1. Jac Post author

      Ha! What’s great about this is that she probably would have been okay with him eating her REAL sandwich. 🙂

  2. Sara

    “Don’t touch your bum and then touch your eye! You’ll get pink eye!” (Overheard from another room, where Brent was doing bedtime)

  3. Kelina

    Lol oh these and many many more! How about, Get ariel out of your vagina! or Sit still I need to clean the rice off your penis. Should I give your brother and sister the boobies or are you going to eat nicely?(This one totally backfired, his five year old brother and 4 year old sister now bug me for boobies and stare creepily at my face every time he nurses lol) Don’t lick the chair! don’t pee on your sister! Somewhere, your grandmother is laughing at me right now. oh my God i sound like my dad/mom/brother! lol. there’s lots more

    1. Jac Post author

      Yeah, okay. We are thinking we may do a “part two” of this post eventually, and we might need to “borrow” a few of these. Priceless. Thanks for sharing!

  4. Pingback: My Kid Made Me Say It … Part Two! | TwoFunMoms

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