I mean that title literally: here’s my best guess as to what everyone in my family was thinking while we walked through the U-Cut tree farm, picking our Christmas tree, just a few weeks ago.
Our thoughts …
One-year-old N: Put me down! I will wiggle and wriggle and lunge for the ground until you put me on the ground like the big kids. Now pick me up! Why am I so far away from you when it’s so cold out and I’m tired? I will cry and reach for you till you do it. Hey! Put me down! It’s boring up here and I want to see what’s down there. No! Pick me up!
Two-year-old R: La la la la la! I’m cold. Look at me, walking around like a big kid. What’s over there? I’m gonna check. Stomp stomp stomp. I stomped that. I’m cold. La la la! I will NOT wear that coat. I have a backpack on. No coat! La la la! I’m cold. Hey, where’d they all go? Do they remember about me? Oh there they are! Yep, they see me! Hi Mommy-Daddy! La la la!
Five-year-old E: I’m wearing warm boots. Hey! That tree is perfect! We should get it! Okay, I guess it is too small and crooked and has hardly any branches. Oh well! My coat is shiny. G is over there doing something. What is it? Hey! That tree is perfect! Oh, there’s a bump in the ground here. I bet that’s where a hamster lives or a worm, under the ground. Hey! That tree is perfect! Luke at school stomped in a puddle today. Hey! That tree is perfect! Where is G now? I want to find her and see what she’s doing. But she’s too far away from this perfect tree I have to tell Mommy about right now.
Six-year-old G: Where is Mommy going? Are we allowed to go over there? Wait. Can we pick any tree, or only some of them? How old are these trees and what happens to the ones no one picks and how many grow? This is the same place we went last year with Grandpa, but the tree he got was from over there in the corner. That tree is not too tall, even if Mommy thinks it is. Wait, where is Mommy now? Are we allowed to go over there? Where is E? Is she doing something more fun than this right now? I don’t want to miss anything Mommy or Daddy say or do, but E sounds like she’s having fun over there. I’ll just drag Mommy over to where E is. E keeps saying she found the perfect tree, but they are all bad ones. I wonder what happens when we find the tree we want? How does it come down? Who is going to chop it? How does that funny saw work? How will it fit in the van? Where is the hot chocolate, and is there candy too?
Husband Anton: Okay. Wandering around looking for a tree while holding a whiney baby is awful and I think it will probably kill me. For real, kill me. But it WON’T kill me, really, right? So. Be cheerful. Act friendly. Say the right thing. What is she saying about that one? Too sparse? Isn’t it exactly the same as the last one we looked at? What does she want me to say, because I will say it. Be cheerful. Don’t freak out. All the trees look exactly the same to me! I really don’t care about this. But other people care, including my wife, so I will pretend to care because of the Happy Christmas Memories we are making. But, really. This whiney baby is going to kill me. Can we just be done already?
Jac: I LOVE MY FAMILY! Christmas is the best.