Juli: After a hellish morning with my sick kids, I have decided to put them back to bed. It would be a miracle if they actually fell asleep, but it’s been quiet in there for about 15 mins … So…? #hereshoping
Jac: Oh man, are they still that sick!? Are they getting better, or worse?
Juli: The coughing … she was ALL night. My sleep… she was compromised.
Jac: Still sick but getting better is sometimes the worst, because they can’t go anywhere, but they are getting bored..
Juli: Oh yes. That is exactly the situation I am finding myself in right now.
Jac: Sucky. Are they going to miss school tomorrow?
Juli: No—it’s Pizza day tomorrow, so A would drag himself there even if he was missing a limb. I do hope he’s better by then, though, so I can legitimately send him without guilt …
Jac: Ha! I hope so too. Guess what I did: I FORGOT pizza day last week!
Juli: You did? Oh no! A cardinal sin.
Jac: They didn’t put the order form in the binders like usual, just in the various notes and newsletters.
Juli: Well, of course you didn’t read those!
Jac: I did skim them at least, but apparently information about pizza day does not stick in my brain unless I have an actual order form that needs to be filled out.
Juli: Well, that’s clearly the school’s fault. Though that will not fly as an excuse with your children.
Jac: Right? I was supposed to print if off? Ridiculous. I didn’t realize until the day before.
Juli: Oh, of course not! You have a million other things to think of. Ridiculous indeed. What did you do?
Jac: There was a mutiny in my house. Because at NO POINT in the HISTORY of Kindergarten or Grade One has ANYONE had to bring a lunch on pizza or hot dog day. So I gave them all kinds of other junk food. It was craziness.
Jac: They each got a WHOLE chocolate bar. And a nutella sandwich.
Juli: Good save. At least you realized in time! Imagine the mutiny if you DIDN’T realize ahead of time! The pure, unbridled rage … I shudder to think of it!
Jac: Well, we got to school and I was talking about it with the other Kindy moms, and one of them was like, “Oh I know! I forgot too! I haven’t told her yet.”
Juli: Oh! Relief! Solidarity!
Jac: Yes. You’d think so. But then she turned to her kid and said, “It’s pizza day today, sweetie, but I forgot so you just have to grab your regular lunch, okay?” And the freaking kid was like, “Okay!” It was like a sci-fi movie.
Juli: I maybe kinda hate that mom. AND that kid!
Jac: Really? Because I want to kidnap that kid and trade her for one of my own.
Juli: Eff pizza day, anyways. Four dollars for a piece of fried bread with cheese and two pepperonis on it?!
Jac: True. But I also LOVE pizza day because of how I don’t have to make a lunch. It’s like Christmas morning.
Juli: YES. That is why the four dollars is worth it.
Jac: Totally worth it.
Juli: And a buck for chocolate milk.
Jac: Or apple juice, but G got it once and didn’t drink it because it is the wrong KIND (meaning brand) of apple juice. She is, apparently, the queen of England.
Juli: Apparently. For hot dog days, A now wants TWO hotdogs every time. And every time my answer to that is ABSOLUTELY, because that child weighs four pounds soaking wet.
Jac: I wonder about that, too, because my kids only get one each. But at home they definitely want two. So are they hungry on hotdog day? I don’t want to bring it up.
Juli: Bringing up any topic with children is rarely helpful.
Jac: When I was a kid, I used to get two hotdogs. And back then we also had donuts.
Juli: Oh, right! Oh … that was the best.
Jac: I know. But I probably wished I just had yet another hot dog instead of that donut. I’m a sucker for fatty, salty, junky food.
Juli: I am a sweets person. I loved those donuts.
Jac: We should have gone to the same elementary school. We could have traded hotdog for donut. Win-win!
Juli: Yes! If only! Hotdogs have never been my favourite. I once barfed after eating a hot dog, and then didn’t eat them again for approximately twelve years.
Jac: Oh yuck.
Juli: Yes. And, because I know you are interested in knowing this, I will tell you that the barf was like hot, vomit-flavoured hotdog water with little pink hot dog chunks in it. It was a very unfortunate experience.
Jac: Ew gross. Thanks for sharing, jerk. But now you’re back on the hotdogs?
Juli: Oh yes. For the convenience, really. Because I have small children; they love hot dogs.
Jac: And so do my children. That’s why the FORM needs to go in the BINDER. Some parents just cannot be counted on the read the newsletter. And by some, I mean ME.
Juli: OR they should simply print the information on a DONUT. Because THAT would get our attention.
* We decided that this freakish picture of a hot dog costume would make more of a statement than any picture we could scrounge up of our children with hotdogs, and it would also be much more likely to haunt your nightmares. If you are interested in sharing this nightmare with your friends, the costume can apparently be purchased here: http://www.funfolly.com/h/mascots/c1568.htm