A Letter to Future Me

Dear Future Juli,

Hope you’re having a great day today, as I imagine you must be. Where are you now: Hawaii? Fiji? Somewhere tropical, I expect. I will try not to be jealous of the mai-tai you are holding, and the gorgeous tan that you probably have. In the future, I assume they’ve figured out how to make our pale skin actually tan instead of just burn, and that’s something to look forward to.

For me, it’s been a rough week. I got sick, which of course you know means the kids have been particularly needy. S, complaining of her own “sickness,” at first tried to steal my heat pack, so I limped over to get her a cold pack from the freezer, which she ended up breaking open, and the gel inside got everywhere. Also, she destroyed one of our last still-intact storage baskets by sticking her head through the bottom of it. I tried to remind myself that when I am you, I will look back on the age the kids are now with fondness. I have to ask, do you, actually? Do you look back on your time as me with fondness? At this moment that is hard to imagine, but I’m sure you do …

How is your coffee-making robot? I can’t wait to have that. Also, how is your robot whose sole purpose is to maintain the coffee-making robot, and make sure it’s in perfect working order? I’m really glad you got that robot – I think you can now see that it was a wise decision. I’ve been wondering, do you ALSO have a robot whose sole purpose is to put peanut butter cups in your mouth and tell you that you’re great? Because I’m not sure whether your priorities have changed or not, but my imagination is telling me that the moment that that robot came on the market you snatched it right up. And if you are having second thoughts about having bought that robot, let me remind you that you deserve it, after the day I’ve had.

I imagine you also have a robot that vacuums while you relax

I bet your vacuuming robot is capable of picking up Cheerios. Sigh.

Remember today? Today was the day where it wasn’t enough to simply spill her smoothie, S also had to dump over her cereal bowl full of milk. As you recall, she likes to keep any receptacle that contains liquid close to her elbows and near the edge of the table, so that she can turn quickly and knock it off with ease. Has she learned yet to be mindful of the things and people around her? You may remember what a big challenge that was for us. Also, have any puzzle pieces turned up, yet? Right now the kids love taking out puzzles and leaving them half-done all over the floor. This ensures that each of our puzzles have at least one piece missing from them at all times. I truly hope that one day you can locate those, and the puzzles will be complete once more.

How is your laser kitchen, the one that makes dinner using lasers? I am quite sure that by now, laser technology has finally been applied to something that will actually make a difference in millions of lives, namely, by making dinner. How does it work, do you just press a button and it makes a healthy meal for your family? Is there an emergency button, which you can press to have wine automatically administered to your mouth? Man, you’re cool. I can’t wait to be where you are.


Does our house have a “jetscalator” or a “jet lounge” yet? Because if it doesn’t, it should.

These days I’m still muddling along in my boring, un-futuristic house with it’s non-laser kitchen, which is as lame as it sounds. I’m sure you remember it. I imagine that your laser kitchen is self cleaning, which I look forward to. There are fingerprints and gunk all over my kitchen appliances and cupboards, and I don’t even think I could clean them to my satisfaction if I tried, so I usually don’t try. I’m waiting for the lasers to do that for me.

I hope you have grandchildren by now! You know, the type that you can enjoy and spoil and then send home so you can enjoy a nap in a quiet house. But in all seriousness I’m sure you love your grandchildren very much, and love spending time with them. It must be pretty sweet receiving all that latent appreciation from A and S, though, who now I’m sure understand the meaning of trying to make dinner and deal with crying children while covered in baby barf and having not slept for several days, while being sick. I’m glad you can be there to help them out. When you get back from Fiji, of course.

Nice talking to you. If you ever get your hands on a time machine, and want to stick that peanut-butter-cup-administering robot in there and send it back to the year 2015, I’d sure appreciate it. Heck, while you’re at it, throw in a laser kitchen or two.

Yours truly,

Present Juli 

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