Oh bed. Why so warm? Why your pillows so deep?
When I’m trying so hard not to go back to sleep?
The kids need tending, they’re begging for food,
But bed, I’m a lady. I don’t want to be rude,
I can’t leave you without saying a proper goodbye,
And that means another snooze in your sheets, warm and dry,
But bed, there are those who would keep us apart,
Those with cold feet and even colder hearts,
They’re fighting and hungry and needy and wild,
And there’s no one on Facebook who’ll take a free child,
They’re clambering between us, mussing your sheets,
They’re tickling my legs with freezing fingers and feets,
Now they’re tunneling through you, and screaming with glee,
And I dream of the days it was just you and me,
Now your sheets are all tangled, the duvet is laid bare,
There’s a wet spot on my pillow, and I don’t know from where…
And so I must leave you, bed, to care for my young.
Thanks for the comfort, the dream-sharing fun.
I’ll miss you, sweet bed; you’ll always be my queen.
… But I’ve got a hot date with the coffee machine.