I’m supposed to write a blog post tonight. I have to do it because of my own self-imposed deadline, and because I don’t want to let Juli down. And I WANT to do it, because I like to write, I think. I’m supposed to like to write, anyway … I want my blog to be good, I love it when people read what I’ve written, I like taking pride in what I’ve done, I like making people laugh and think and feel good.
It’s just hard, you see, because I don’t have any thoughts right now. None. This summer I’m discovering that my current writing process begins with thinking about something while I go about my daily life, and then thinking about it more later, and then writing down a few notes about what I’m thinking about, so that by the time I start writing, I’m already almost done. But I’ve had a busy few weeks — I was very busy last week with a Kids Camp I organized at my church, and this week is chock-full of appointments and meetings and playdates and watching The West Wing with my husband — and so my brain has been too full. It’s all good stuff, mostly, but it’s keeping my mind from wandering.
It turns out that if I want to write well, I either need to have lots of time dedicated to writing, or I need to be bored sometimes. I need to have time to sit and stew, to wonder, to observe, to read, to critique. I need to have things on my mind. I’m just not bored enough lately to argue with those voices in my head who tend to argue back, and then to write down the point of view of the winner.
I keep thinking of that quote I heard, which google tells me was spoken first by Dorothy Parker: “I hate writing; I love having written.” And that’s really where I’m at this summer. I don’t want to write, but do I want to have written. But it turns out that you can’t actually have the one without doing the other. Life’s tough like that, I guess.
But for now, I’m just going to watch an episode of The West Wing and then go to bed on time because tomorrow is another busy day. School starts soon, and then I’m back to our regular family routine, boredom — and writing — included.