The Holiday Recipe List Parents Really Need

By Jac & Juli

It is a popular Christmas tradition to share recipes. We like fitting in, so here are some of our very favourite holiday recipes. Please enjoy! And stick with it till the end … these recipes just get more and more helpful, trust us.

Juli’s Christmas Crepes
1 3/4 cups flour
1 cup milk
1 cup water
4 eggs
1 TBSP Vanilla
1/8 cup melted butter
3 TBSP sugar

Mix everything together. Pour 1/3 cup into a med-high flat greased frying pan. Pick up the pan and swish it around, letting the batter expand until it makes a flat crepe. Flip it when it looks dry on the top. Serve with lemon and sugar, berries and whipped cream, or whatever weird combo your kids want on them.

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Jac’s Mother-in-law’s Cheeseball
16 oz. Cream Cheese, softened
Grated Cheddar Cheese, 8oz
8 oz. corned beef (package of really thinly sliced lunch meat; we use this.)
2 Tablespoons Worcestershire

Take the corned beef and slice it into teeny tiny little pieces. Mix all ingredients together using your very clean hands. Form into a delicious ball. Eat it spread on crackers. This is way better than you think it will be.

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Juli’s Easy and Delicious Apple Crisp:
Apples
1 cup flour
1 cup brown sugar
1 cup oats
3 TBSP cinnamon
2/3 cup softened butter

Cube apples into a casserole dish until there is just enough room for the topping. Leave the peel on the apples because you are lazy and because the peels probably have vitamins in them. Mix all the other stuff together and spread it over the top of the apples. Bake it at 350 until the top looks browned and the apple juice bubbles up around the edges of the crumbly top.

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Jac’s Christmas Cheese Plate
Aged Cheddar
Parmesan
Spiced Gouda
Brie
Havarti
2-3 different types of specialty crackers

Spend way too much money on the above ingredients and put them on a plate with a sharp knife. You probably don’t want to share it with anyone because of how much it cost. Just eat all the cheese.

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Juli’s Christmas Brownies
Go to Costco. Buy a big box of Ghirardelli brownie mix. Make it with coconut oil instead of regular vegetable oil. You are a baking genius.

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Jac’s Christmas Breakfast
Bacon
Sausage
Eggs
Coffee

Fry the above ingredients (except the coffee!) and then eat them. Tell your guests and family members to make themselves some toast if they want it.

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Juli’s “Hot Christmas Mess”
2 parts coffee
1 part Bailey’s
1 part Khalua
2 parts whipped cream
3 parts tears
12 parts assorted chocolates

Lie in your house in the midst of the mess. Apply ingredients directly to mouth. This works especially well when it is an hour or so before guests are due to arrive for Christmas dinner.

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Jac’s Gift-Wrapping Comfort Smoothie
(Almost the same as Juli’s Hot Christmas Mess, but they are both so good we had to keep them both in!)
Your preferred amounts of:
Coffee-flavoured Ice Cream
Milk
Baileys
Kahlua
Vodka
Whipped Cream

Blend all ingredients together. Perfect for husbands who are terrible at wrapping presents to make for wives who have so many stocking stuffers to wrap they may never go to bed.

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Juli’s “Sleep-In”
1 bribed spouse
2 kids with an insane amount of morning energy
1 locked bedroom door
1 cozy bed

Add all ingredients together. Serve warm, and let rest before serving.

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Jac’s Secret Shame Sandwich
Peanut butter
Cheez Whiz
Bread

Spread Peanut butter and Cheez Whiz on a piece of bread. Together. I blame my mother for this, because I thought this was as normal as PB&J until my friends got old enough to be disgusted with me. I still like it, though.

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*photo courtesy of Juli

Juli’s “Surviving your childrens’ impromptu and made-up-as-they-go-along living room Christmas play”
1 smart phone
1 pair of sunglasses worn indoors
1 blanket

Apply the glasses to your face. Use the blanket to cover your smart-phone-holding hands. Point your face forward and avert your eyes down while you browse on your smart phone. Every so often say “yay” or laugh out loud. Remind the guilt you are feeling to shut up because you are SURVIVING Christmas break.

Or try this.

Or try this.

Jac’s Recipe for Disaster
2 children
2 gifts, with one gift slightly “better” than the others. Perhaps all the gifts are decorated with Disney princesses, but there is only one with Elsa.

Distribute gifts to the children, allowing them to be delighted with their own gift for one second until suddenly they catch a glimpse of the better one. This recipe will guarantee an extremely embarrassing meltown.

christmas-unhappy-boy

Juli’s “Happy Christmas”
1 part exhausted mommy
2 parts gin

Mix well, and enjoy.

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Fa la fla la LA la fla la florf.

 
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3 thoughts on “The Holiday Recipe List Parents Really Need

  1. Jenna

    That brownie mix needs coffee instead of water, too. More coffee is always better. *Do not feed to children at bedtime.*

    Reply

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